Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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