we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There's always time for handjobs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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