your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
