omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
