just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
