I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
