How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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