i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
