VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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