Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
