I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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