Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
