So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
