Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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