He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just cropdusted the office
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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