apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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