What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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