I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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