Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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