He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
only you would photoshop your dick
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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