I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
