Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
high people should be assigned attendants
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
two words...techno handjob
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
