This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
