WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
