now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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