He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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