Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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