If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
