Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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