So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
that is very illegal...i love you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
