it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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