i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
