I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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