we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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