I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it glows. i had to have it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
