I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
