i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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