I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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