nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
