chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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