Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
