just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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