Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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