do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
worst night to have a conscience
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
