I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
