He disabled his match.com account in front of me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Randomize
