you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
