May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
