the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
sarcasm needs its own font
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
