ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
