Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
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Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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