16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
