i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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