a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
