Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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