So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
