At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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