Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
