Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
