im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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