Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
