Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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