we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
