So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
