so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
