I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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