Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
