Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
