You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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