i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
